Blatant Fanservice
by blackberet
Summary: Sometimes even the best artists have no choice but to sell out. Rikku and Gippal, in desperate need of attention and a little cash, try to work a little romance into the FFX-2 storyline in the name of fanservice.
1. Hey, I have a name!

Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy games and all related characters and locations are owned by Squaresoft. This is a work of fanfiction, meaning that it is both created by a fan for no purpose other than entertainment, and it is fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely fictonal and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.  
  
You ever notice how many Rikku x Gippal fics there are around here? I'm actually a big fan of them (although despite my tongue-in-cheek comments here, I was a huge fan of Rikku x Auron too). But...well, there are a ton of 'em, you know, and that means that by now they're officially fanservice, and THAT, my friends, means that eventually there has to be a parody. (And with all my experience writing stories about spunky Al Bhed chicks (/shameless plug for the Linna trilogy), I thought I'd try my hand at writing Rikku. Turns out she's pretty fun.)  
  
While I'm rambling...please don't take the beginning seriously. If you've written a RxG fic, I've probably read it and probably loved it, and I've written more than my share of fluff too.  
  
_Blatant Fanservice_  
by flame mage  
  
take 1: "Hey, I have a name!"

* * *

I guess it's natural. After all, let's face it, I'm a babe. I've got it all--brains, mad thieving skills, mechanical expertise out the wazoo, a killer bod, and...hey, guys totally dig blondes. And I'll admit it--he's a gorgeous guy. I don't think it'd be going too far to say that we're the most awesome couple in gaming history. And what can I say? All the girls wanna be me and all the boys wanna get with me. So I can totally understand if you guys are into the whole living-vicariously-through-Rikku-and-Gippal-fics thing.   
  
But I bet you think you know how it happened, huh? A couple months after you get the game and you've already come up with every possible scenario for the way we got together.  
  
Too bad you guys just can't agree. So which is it? Were we forced to live together by some reality-TV-esque twist of fate? Did co-dependent l'il Gippal just decide that he couldn't live without me? Did he totally swoon over my luscious green eyes, despite the fact that he's got 'em too? Or maybe he was telling the truth at Djose when he said we made quite the couple, and we really were long-lost lovers who were reunited for a second chance. Ooohhh...come on, guys, make up your minds--you're making me dizzy!  
  
I've gotta give you credit for agreeing on something, though. At least all of you finally settled on one guy. You fanfic writers are such a fickle bunch. First it was Tidus--hel-LO? The word "taken" mean anything to you? After the way Yunie freaked out just 'cause some guy who LOOKED like him kept talking about Lenne, you'd think she'd let us get away with some of the stuff you write about? Unh-UNH.  
  
Another concept no one gets is "statutory rape"--not to mention necrophilia. Auron's, like, a 35-year-old dead guy. That's gotta be the creepiest...wait, no, I take that back--I saw a Kimahri fic a while back. Explain the physics of that one to me.  
  
And that leaves Wakka, who mighta worked out, but...now he's got a kid, and I'm just not looking for that level of committment here. Besides, you really want Vidina to end up in therapy because his earliest memories of his mother are of her struttin' her stuff in a micromini with her thong straps hangin' out of it? C'mon, no one's that big a meanie.  
  
But you wanna know the real story behind the way Gippal and I hooked up? I gotta tell ya: it involves intrigue, drama, white-hot passion, and some majorly brilliant marketing on the part of yours truly. It might not be quite what you expected, but...hey, can't say I didn't warn you!

* * *

So I was lounging around in my thief outfit (current fanservice shot count: 1) on the deck of the Celsius, like I always do in between cutscenes while Yuna's running around opening chests.  
  
That's not gonna make much sense to you. Hmm...I should probably explain that what you see on your PS2 screen isn't exactly the way it all happened, okay? Think of it as a movie that's...umm...like, based on a true story. We have to redo it all for the cameras, and that means that when nothing's going on, Paine and I basically chill out and eat bonbons. Well, I chill out and eat bonbons. She probably imagines killing small animals or something.  
  
But annnnyway...I was half-asleep on my lounge chair when my cell phone rang (whaddaya mean, what cell phone? How do you think I call my agent, those stupid commsphere things? As if).  
  
"Heya, Rikkster," Gippal's voice said.  
  
"Hey, Gippal," I greeted him.  
  
No, no, don't get all excited yet, the passionate love affair hasn't started! I knew Gip waaay before all that stuff happened. He and I go way back, y'know? Home wasn't all that big a place; we kinda saw a lot of each other. Which, if you know anything about the Gippmeister, you'll already have realized can be a good thing and a bad thing.  
  
"How am I catching you in the middle of the day? Aren't you supposed to be filming for the game?"  
  
I rolled my eyes beneath the cover of my 30,000 gil UV-protective wraparound shades (goggles? SO Final Fantasy X). "Yeah, right. They're working with the Prima Donna down there. When they finish her moogle stunt in Luca, they're fixing Tidus' makeup and getting him in costume to do the Shuyin sphere scenes. It'll be a looooong time before I get to look into a camera again today."  
  
"Perfect," he said. I could hear the toothy grin. "That's what I figured. How are you getting paid?"  
  
"Two million gil flat," I answered. "Not like it's any of your business, ya supporting character. Your main job is to forget my name. My face is on the box art."  
  
"See, I'm getting paid by screen time," he told me, obviously not caring much about my opinion--not like I was the most popular female character or anything. "And let's face it, digging ain't all it's cracked up to be. I'd like to up that time a little bit by adding a few...dramatic elements of my own."  
  
"Ummm...so, how does this involve me?" I yawned, rolling over to sun my back and thereby revealing the other side of my incredible physique (current fanservice shot count: 2).  
  
"Think about it, Rikkinator. Tidus is gone throughout the whole freakin' game. Your girl Yuna there won't even marry the hick in the Calm Lands. The monkeys are getting more action than anyone else. Romance sells! We need a big love story goin' on here."  
  
I thought for a minute. "I could see a big Nooj-Paine-Leblanc love triangle," I told him. "Maybe you and Baralai. Aww, that'd be cute!"  
  
"I'm all for fanservice to the yaoi camp, but we need to tap a more mainstream audience here. You know what that means? That means you and me."  
  
I laughed. "Me? You? No way, Buster. Whatever diseases you got, I don't want 'em."  
  
"Ya gotta help me out, Rikk. I've been wearing the same outfit for three years. I gotta get some cash. Besides," he added in classically sly Gippal style, "With all that competition running around, a little fanservice might do wonders for your rapidly-declining popularity level."  
  
I sighed. After they cut my version of the game, it was pretty clear I'd lost my status as the primo hot babe here--especially with Yuna and Paine running around in outfits swiped from my wardrobe. I was gonna have to do something if I wanted the fan attention I so richly deserved.  
  
"All right, Gip," I grinned. "You're on."

* * *

I was really edgy by the time we started filming on location at Djose two days later. Even for someone as talented as myself who dreams of being a famous actress (don't we all? Even Paine!), it's really, really hard to do an improv love scene. Was I supposed to swoon and fall all over him? Flirt like crazy? Just stop and double-take when I saw him, letting recognition spread across my face? I could already tell that this was gonna be a lot harder than I'd thought.  
  
So I was pretty relieved when he managed to drag me aside a couple minutes before shooting started. "Here's how this is gonna work, okay?" he hissed at me. He was holding me really tight and his breath was hot in my ear. I hoped none of the camera guys could see this, or it'd look really weird. "I'll act like normal--a big loud flirt. All you have to do is act like you normally would too--just be a brat and get freaked out by everything I say, all right?"  
  
"Hey, I'm not a brat!" I cried indignantly.  
  
"I know, I know, I know," he sighed. "I've heard all this before. You'd better get back there. They're about to start."  
  
By the time I scrambled back, the Y and P thirds of YRP were already in position, looking impatient. Paine was sharpening her sword with a maniacal grin on her face, and I could tell that Yunie was about to run to Tidus (who was standing just offscreen) and ask if her makeup was still okay, so I dashed in. "Ready!" I shouted loud enough to deafen anyone who was wondering where I'd been. Someone has to be the spunky one.  
  
The guy with the little black-and-white sceneboard thing was standing off to one side. "And...Chapter 1, Djose entrance scene. Take 1. Action!"  
  
Right on cue, the three of us started striding in. The extras started crowding around, gawking at us. Well, they were supposed to be gawking at Yunie, but I caught a couple of them sneaking peeks at me--'I still got it,' I thought with a grin.  
  
"Everyone's staring," Yunie murmured dazedly.  
  
I stopped primping and gave her my best whee-everyone-loves-us-'cause-we're-so-cute grin. "You're famous, Yunie! Better get used to it."  
  
Yunie moaned. "All I want's some peace and quiet."  
  
I raised one hand in front of my mouth and stage-whispered to Paine. "Poor thing. She's led such a sheltered life."  
  
"Maybe she's getting old," Paine muttered back. I rolled my eyes. Stupid Paine, always underacting. Like she was trying to make the rest of us look like hyper teenage girls or something. Jeez.  
  
"Who's getting old!?" Yunie yelped, slamming her hands on her hips and glaring at me. It wasn't workin' for her. Unlike me, Yunie's just too darn cute to ever be a good actress. Oh, well. At least their theatrical shortcomings would just make me look better on the big screen.  
  
And then...enter the Gippal.  
  
The scene stopped for a sec so the cameras could pan in on him as he walked past us. While they were off me, I quickly swiped on a little more lipstick and prepared to let juuuust a hint of telltale dreaminess creep into my voice as I whispered to the others, "That's Gippal, leader of the Machine Faction. He can be kinda annoying, but he's all right." More than all right, actually--or at least I'd better make a couple million hardcore gamers believe it.  
  
Then again, that's not too hard. A lotta hardcore gamers don't even know what a real girl looks like, much less how to tell if she likes a guy or not. I was really gonna ham it up, but most of them would probably be clueless until the big love scene anyway.  
  
Hmm, we needed a big love scene...how about the picturesquely fading lake in Macalania Forest?  
  
Nope, taken.  
  
The vast expanses of the Bikanel Desert by moonlight?  
  
Too sandy.  
  
Ooh, maybe that bridge on Besaid at sunset, with the waterfalls behind us and the ocean awash with color in front! That would be super-romantic...I had a momentary vision of the cameras tightening on my face as I confessed my love with tears in my eyes, and then the looong, passionate kiss...mmm...  
  
"Okay," Gippal yelled, actually making me jump. "Let's do some interviews. Bring it!"  
  
Yunie giggled to herself. "Yeah, he seems all right."  
  
The cameras stopped, and for the next half hour we took a break for a catered lunch of Chocobo ceasar salad while our stunt doubles did the mundane pacing-around-waiting-for-the-interview scene for us. Being a celebrity has its perks.  
  
When that boring stuff was over, the stylists adjusted our makeup, wardrobe, and hair, and the cameras started rolling again. The first part of the next scene was us being told our number was up, Yunie registering to dig, and then the three of us walking into the temple. Then we shifted inside, where Gippal was talking to one of the technicians in Al Bhed. "I have already interviewed people. One of you guys take over." Ugh, typical lazy Gippal. I scratched that thought from my mind as soon as I had it and tried to think of it as adorable--yeah, that was it, Gippal was a guy who really knew how to have fun. That was how I'd think of it if I had a crush on him, yeah. Not that I did. This was strictly business.  
  
"Gippal!" the tech cried, clapping a hand to his chest and looking amazed. Typical one-line extra, trying to ham up his part. They made him do it three times to tone it down before we could go on.  
  
Gippal turned to face us. "Huh?" he asked brilliantly.  
  
"Hello," Yunie replied.  
  
Then I realized what he was doing--he was acting so dazed because his good green eye was focused right on me! "You...uh...here for an interview?" he continued, as if he didn't know quite what he was doing. I gazed back at him with the same expression on my face: "Whoa."  
  
Yunie looked at him like he was an idiot. "Uh-huh."  
  
"The great high summoner wants an interview?" he repeated like he couldn't believe it.  
  
"Former summoner," she challenged, hands on hips again.  
  
"Hm." Gippal shrugged as if to say 'your funeral.' "All right," was what he actually said, "Follow me."  
  
The action moved outside again as we followed him out to the bridge. As soon as we stopped, he advanced on Yuna and walked a slow circle around her, admiring the skimpy gunner's uniform and the parts of the physique it didn't leave to the imagination (current fanservice shot count: 3) from all angles. "Never been this close to a celebrity before," he told her in his most charming voice.  
  
"That's nice." Yuna looked uncomfortable, maybe because Tidus was cracking his knuckles just off camera.  
  
"I could get used to this."  
  
"Let's not."  
  
I glared as hard as I could at him and growled low in my throat. He made a point of hearing suddenly and turning to face me, looking me up and down in that same daze as before for a sec before regaining his confidence and cracking, "Well, if it isn't Cid's girl. How ya been?"  
  
"Hey, I have a name!" I fumed, scowling at him--but not with my eyes.  
  
"Heh," he laughed, winking. "Brother doin' okay?"  
  
"Same as ever. Buddy's around too."  
  
"Same as ever is right." He ruffled my hair, his fingers staying there just a second longer than they probably needed to, and then turned to Paine. "You!" he gasped.  
  
"Paine," said Paine. "Nice to meet you."  
  
"Uh-huh?" He looked confused.  
  
My withering glare was nothing compared to hers. "We're here for the interview."  
  
He had already glanced back to me. "Right...the interview..." Then he got control again. "You sure you wanna dig? 'Cause we're talkin' about the desert, ladies. Not exactly a picnic."  
  
"We're sure," Yunie replied.  
  
He shrugged. "All right, you're hired. Welcome."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You. Are. Hired. Don't know why a superstar like you would wanna play in the sand." He shrugged again. "Well, do what you gotta do. Anyways, I've done what I can. Dig to your heart's content."  
  
"Umm, thanks."  
  
He reached into his pocket and handed something from inside to Yunie. "Show this letter to a woman named Nhadala. You'll find her in the Bikanel Desert. Happy digging!"  
  
Momentary shot of him standing there and us celebrating, and then... "Annnd...that's a wrap!" Tobli announced, breaking in on the scene. "Super, super, super job--got through most of it in one take, yup yup! We're back on location here tomorrow, so I'll see you in the morning!"  
  
Right away, there was a major change on set. Paine whipped out her huge sword and a polishing cloth and plunked herself down right where she was on the bridge to shine it up. Yunie did a flying leap toward the road and into Tidus's arms, and they were all over each other like static cling in seconds. And before I could even adjust my thong strap, Gippal grabbed my arm and dragged me inside the temple.  
  
"So, you charmed yet?" he asked, leaning back against a column and eyeing me like a cat eyes a mouse.  
  
"No, I'm pissed! You were supposed to be flirting with me, not everything that moved!" I snapped, a little louder than I should have. One of the technicians turned to stare at me.  
  
"Shh!" Gippal hissed, pulling me closer to him. "Keep it down, would ya? If they hear us, our cover's blown!" He waited a sec until the tech looked away and then let me go, but he was still standing really super close to me. "That's part of the plan, Rikk. Everyone'll know something's wrong if I don't even look at anyone else--be totally outta character. I gotta flirt around, but ya notice how I always get kinda... you know...around you? Already the chicks playin' the game are gonna know something's up. When you come back in the next chapter, we're gonna turn up the heat and create vibes of unexpressed longing as yet unparalleled in the Final Fantasy series!"  
  
"I dunno, Gipp, there were a lot of vibes of unexpressed longing going in all different directions in VII," I replied a little doubtfully.  
  
"Okay, look at their graphics. Look at our graphics. Nothin' against Cloud, but I'm the next thing in cocky blond bishounen. The gamers'll fall for this hook, line and sinker."  
  
"I hope you're right." I took a step back and tossed my hair. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tan to work on..."  
  
"Wait just a second." He took two steps forward and stopped so close to me that I could almost taste the Chocobo in his salad. "A minute ago, when you freaked out at me for hittin' on the other girls...were you actually...jealous?"  
  
"No!" I shrieked automatically, before it even occured to me that yeah, I kinda had been. But not because I liked Gippal or anything. Just because this plan wasn't gonna work unless everyone was looking at me instead of namby-pamby Yunie or that whacked-out maniac with the big sword. That was the only reason I was maybe a little jealous.  
  
"Okay then." He stepped back again and went back to leaning against the column. "See ya tomorrow, Rikkarinski."  
  
"Ciao, bambino," I replied, heading out without a single backward glance. As soon as the door shut behind me, I leaned against the outside wall of the temple and let out a long sigh. The next few days were gonna get preeetty interesting. 


	2. You seem close

Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy games and all related characters and locations are owned by Squaresoft. This is a work of fanfiction, meaning that it is both created by a fan for no purpose other than entertainment, and it is fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely fictonal and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.  
  
Man, how come my serious fics are never this popular? ;; Oh, well, here's the next part, so enjoy. And as for those serious fics...yeah...soon...  
  
Is this new formatting system creeping anyone else out?   
  
Oh, by the way, this fic is dedicated to RocketJesse. I don't know if anyone reading this was ever part of the Pokemon (--;; I know, I know) fanfic community, but she was one of the best Rocketshipper writers ever and just a cool person, and everything I know about writing fluff I learned from her. I have no idea who she really is or what's happened to her since the good old days, but her fics are still some of the cutest ever written. Just felt compelled to thank her here--if you like this, you have her to thank too.  
  
Blatant Fanservice  
  
by flame mage  
  
take 2: "You seem close."

* * *

The great thing about shooting for X-2 was that there was almost no reason to cut anything. Think about it. In this game, they told us, a player would be able to go pretty much anywhere at pretty much any time. That meant that for every possible place someone could go, everything they could do, and everyone they could talk to, we had to shoot a scene, and it had to go in there. So I was feeling confident as my private hover landed on the road outside Djose that it couldn't be that hard to add a scene in--if it got shot, and it got thrown in with the rest of the film, they'd stick it in and find a way to get a player to go there. Whatever I did, it would work--but then I frowned. I wasn't sure exactly what to do. Sometime pretty soon, Gippal was just gonna disappear. Should I take him aside now that there were fiends at the temple and admit that I was worried about him and wanted him to be careful so he could come back to me? Or should I wait until he was missing to realize that I was really in love with him and pray dramatically for his return so we could have a tearjerking love scene when we were reunited? Decisions, decisions!  
  
This was the third day after that first scene with Gip when we signed up for the dig. We'd spent the day after that filming the bit shots--y'know, talking to technicians, doing all the wandering around that we couldn't just edit in with computers, all that junk that no one really cares about because it doesn't involve close-ups on my gorgeous young face. The day after that, we'd done a little extra shooting for the big fight with the Experiment. And today was the wrap-up at Djose-- my big chance, since it was the only other chance I'd have to do a scene here with Gippal. We'd have to get it right. And as always, I was totally rarin' to go.  
  
The scene opened with Gippal standing outside the temple, pacing. "Hey, it's Cid's little girl!" he called as soon as we got close enough for him to walk up and ruffle my hair with both hands, pushing me backwards.  
  
I flailed--the meanie had pushed me a little harder than he was supposed to--and raised my arms like I was fending him off. When I got my balance again, I stood up and rubbed my head, sulking, "I have a name..."  
  
"You seem close," Yuna commented. I breathed a little sigh of relief. It had taken me a long time to persuade that goody-goody to break from the script. She only agreed to do it after I promised to give back that little sphere of her and Wakka that one night on the pilgrimage when we all got really drunk. You'd be amazed what a little blackmail can do.  
  
Gippal flicked a glance at me: 'See? It's working.' Then to Yunie, he said, "We made quite the couple."  
  
"Ohh!" Yuna laughed, looking at me.  
  
I ran up and pushed Gippal hard from behind to get him back for messing with my hair--you have no idea how long it takes the stylists to get that right every morning. He stumbled forward, and I yelped in Al Bhed, "What are you saying?" He only laughed. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the cameras were focused dead on me, and I spun around, pressing my hands to my face like I was totally mortified and blushing. Every single lens zoomed in on my face.  
  
"Rikku's always good for a laugh," Gippal grinned. Then he turned serious and got back to the script. "If you're here about digging, this isn't the best time."  
  
I whirled back around and stared straight at him. "Well, there were fiends here too, right? Want us to clean up for you?"  
  
He turned around to face the temple door. "Fiend hunting?" Then he turned back to face me. "What, you guys give up the sphere gig?"  
  
I was about to improv another line when stupid Yunie kept going with the stupid script. "Temporarily. Right now we're helping people out. Maybe...you'd like to hire us?"  
  
Gippal, who was still doing the longing-stare-at-Rikku-the-babe thing, finally dragged his eyes off me and turned away again. "Nope. You already took care of Sin. We can't go running to you every time we get into trouble." He snorted. "Hm! I watch my own back."  
  
"Hmph! Show-off!" I'd had my hands on my hips, but now I bent over (current fanservice shot count: 4) to point at him and laugh.  
  
"Hm." He didn't take the bait, but he tossed a meaningful glance at my chest before turning around again.  
  
"Well, be careful," Yunie said.  
  
"You too," he replied.  
  
"Right."  
  
"Come on!" It was the first thing Paine had said in the entire scene. She was starting to get pale, and I could tell she was kinda going through sword withdrawal. Suddenly she just turned and stalked off. Yunie and I ran after her, but not before I could take one last look back at Gippal.  
  
He scratched his head, staring after me, then chuckled to himself and turned around.  
  
"Cut cut cut!" yelled the director. "This is not in the script, nosirree! Why are you improv'ing?!"  
  
"Just trying to, uh, add realistic character interaction, boss," Gippal jumped in. "See, GameSpot did this survey a while back, and it said that gamers are 57% more likely to purchase an RPG when they can relate to the characters. And 93% of all statistics are made up on the spot, including this one," he added under his breath to me.  
  
"Is that right? Are you making this up? Is that really really really for real? Alllllrighty then!" the director cried. "Simply splendid work, everyone! You keep right on doing that improv! But now--to dinner!" He skittered off, leaving a trail of dust behind him.   
  
Gippal shot a look over Yunie's head at me: 'We need to talk.' So I mamboed my way off to the side and pretended to be totally fascinated--not hard, all ya gotta do when you're a video game character is make your eyes really big--by some junky old piece of machina until the crowd thinned out and he walked over.  
  
"Hey, you guys filming tonight?" he asked.  
  
I shrugged and waved to one of my personal assistants to bring me a copy of the shooting schedule. "Nah, doesn't look like it. Now that the bit filming's over, we're using the night to get to Guadosalam for the Chateau scenes. I think they're still finishing up in there--Leblanc didn't want anyone shooting in her precious chateau, ya know, said all the lights would fade her artwork out, so they had to set up a couple sound stages."  
  
"Wait. To get to Guadosalam from Djose, you have to go through the Moonflow, right?"  
  
"Well, maybe you do. Some of us have private hovers."  
  
"Sorry. Forgot I was dealing with a real celebrity here." He rolled his eyes. "But still. We're not shooting the scenes in order. We could just have one of the camera clues follow us to the Moonflow. If we left in ten minutes, we'd make it right around sunset. The sun setting over the mist, the Pyreflies comin' up outta the water...we could definitely outdo Macalania. Get the cameras to one side of the bank, maybe have just our silhouettes against the setting sun."  
  
I pictured the scene. Just the two of us standing on the bank, night falling and the moonlilies opening and the Pyreflies spiraling up around us...what had Lulu said? "The entire river glows, like a sea of stars." It would be the wickedest coolest love scene ever! Maybe we could even have it be the last scene in the game...oh, wow...  
  
"Oh, poopie!" I cried. "Don't they have Tobli's junk out there?"  
  
Gippal groaned. "Yes. And he won't move it, either. You know what a ham he is. Besides, no one will know that this scene is supposed to be in there unless it's in his scripts, and they're locked up in his office in Guadosalam."  
  
"So what we need is a plan! I'll just pop over to Guadosalam and make a couple of teeny-tiny little changes to Tobli's papers while you get his stuff out of the way. Then we'll both double back, get just ahead of the camera guys, and be at the Moonflow just before sundown for the big mush-mush!" I realized I was motoring my hands the way I do when I get excited about something and stopped. "C'mon, Gippie, it'll be perfect!"  
  
"And just how are we supposed to get all the way out there and back in time?" he wanted to know. "Even a hover wouldn't do it."  
  
"We'll borrow the airship! Buddy and Brother snuck off to go bet on Shinra's sphere matches in Luca, but they left the airship right outside Djose!" I grabbed his wrist and tore off toward the ship. Up the ramp, slam the hatch, pound the elevator panel until it took us up to the bridge, dash down the hallway, jump off the balcony, vault into the cockpit, and there I was at the helm of the most powerful machina in Spira. Man, this was nuts.  
  
"Hey, Rikk, you sure you know how to fly this thing?" Gippal was looking around doubtfully.  
  
"Psh. The thing's on autopilot anyway. All I gotta do is press a couple buttons and aiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeee!" That scream was me as the airship rocketed to life, nearly slamming into the top of the temple before it did a 180 and shot off toward the Moonflow.  
  
"Y'know," he commented as he leaned over the back of my chair, "A couple minutes ago I was havin' some serious doubts about this evil plan of your, Rikkaroonie. But this--this just might work."

* * *

I dropped him off at the nearest side of the Moonflow--lucky for us, no one was around to see him shoving the wagon into the bushes--and zinged ahead to Guadosalam. Where I was praaaaying that Tobli wouldn't actually be in his office.  
  
I'd been to the office a bunch of times before, mostly negotiating contracts and boring stuff like that, but even if I'd never seen Guadosalam before in my life I would have instantly known where the headquarters of Tobli Productions was located. I don't know what it was--maybe it was the major vibes of show-stopping magic (not to mention wads of cash), or maybe it was the huge neon sign above the door. Whatever it was, drawing so much attention to the place was a super big security risk, especially with the kind of locks Tobli was using on the door. A professional thief like me could pick it in seconds. And who knows what kinds of seriously bad stuff can happen when a thief gets into your office?  
  
I didn't end up stealing all that much, probably because I found what I was looking for right away. The scripts were sitting right there on the desk--I tell ya, anyone could walk in there and mess with 'em. I just made a couple of quick additions and dashed back to the Moonflow, where Gippal was already waiting.  
  
"So how are we gonna get those guys to shoot this?" he muttered to me as soon as I got close. "It's not on their schedule."  
  
"That?" I grinned. "You just get ready for loooooove and leave that to me!"

* * *

Okay, so technically I didn't actually have a plan or anything for that. But I'll tell you the reason I didn't need one, and once you hear it it's gonna make perfect sense: it was simply because I'm so darn cute. One of the camera guys had this hyuuuuuuge crush on me (how else do you explain some of those shots?), and I was pretty sure that if I was out there, he'd be tempted to shoot a couple of extra frames. So as soon as they got within earshot, I cried at the top of my lungs (pretty loud, if I do say so myself--if you've heard my vocal collection singles, you know I've got some major pipes, forget "Real Emotion"!), "Ooooh, it's just sooooo beautiful out here!"  
  
"A beautiful night for a beautiful girl," Gippal said, coming up from the path to stand next to me.  
  
"Ooh, that was so cliche!" I hissed. "Can't you do any better?!"  
  
"I'm just warming up," he snapped back. "You think they're watching?"  
  
"I dunno. I can't see a thing."  
  
He shot a glance over his shoulder. "Yeah, this one guy's got his camera out. Quick, say something!"  
  
My lightning-fast brain instantly flashed back to every sappy G/R fic I'd ever read. What was it I was supposed to do next again? Just slobber all over him all of a sudden? Or...no, I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to fall into his arms yet. I had to be the heroine in the romantic comedy and show off some of my spunk before turning into a little puddle of melted Rikkujello. "Are you feelin' okay?" I asked, pushing him so hard I nearly knocked him into the water. "You're, acting, like, almost human."  
  
This would be where the songfic should start. Poopie! I'd meant to blackmail Paine into hanging around with the boombox. Well, they could edit that in later. "I think Cid'd beat me up if I weren't acting like the perfect gentleman around his kid. You're lucky you're practically Al Bhed royalty, kiddo, or you'd be sitting in a pile of moonlilies right now."  
  
"Oh yeah?" I snapped back, clenching my fists. "You talk big, but you're just a big meanie trying to pump up his own stupid ego! I bet I could take you any day of the week, creep, you hear me?!"  
  
"You wanna bet?" There was a smile on his face now.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Then you lose." With that, he just picked me up and slung me up into his arms like it was nothing. I mean, after all, I am perfectly petite and slender, but, man. This guy worked on the barbells like I worked on my tan.  
  
Not that I couldn't have escaped easily, mind you. If I'd wanted to, I could have kicked his butt AND stolen his wallet before he could say, "Rikku's a babe." But I thought I'd just sit back for a little while and see what the big idea was. It's all strategic, y'know?  
  
And it wasn't like I liked being in his arms or anything. If you thought that, you've been reading too many fanfics.  
  
"Aaaahh! Put me down before ya drop me, you big dumb lug! Ooh, man, if Brother were here, he'd pound you into the ground!" I screamed instead. The other thing about fanservice was that I had to be totally helpless and Gippal had to save me. It's like a law.  
  
"We'll call this settling your debt!" he laughed, spinning me around and around until the spirals in my pupils were whirling and I had to shut my eyes and duck my head into his chest. This was kind of a bad idea, because in a couple minutes he got so dizzy too that he fell down--right into the water.  
  
Fanservice rule #3: you don't have to get everyone sopping wet, but waaaaay more people pay attention if you do.  
  
Even I was laughing as we straggled outta the Moonflow and onto the bank. Our clothes (yes, you CAN call my outfit "clothes" and not "lingerie", thankyaverymuch!) were, of course, soaked all the way through, and there were Pyreflies swarming all around us, so our wet skin was glistening.  
  
Man, fanboys were gonna dream about this for months.  
  
"What are we supposed to do now?" I asked Gippal under my breath.  
  
"Think Macalania, you dingbat! The big cinematic liplock! The kind the Hollywood Production Code was created to prevent! Come up with a killer segue or something."  
  
Oh, man. How was I supposed to do that? Stare into his eyes? Just blurt out my confession of undying love? Mention shyly how scared I'd been when he was gone? Pretend to punch him, have him catch my hand and not let go?  
  
"C'mon, would you hurry it up?!"  
  
Being a very careful and serious thinker (what? doesn't it show? no, of course it wasn't like I was shy or something stupid like that!), I was still weighing my options when he shot a desperate glance back at the camera crew, which was still stopped dead on the road, and then basically stuck his tongue down my throat.  
  
Not that was all bad or anything.  
  
In terms of fanservice, that is.  
  
And the important part was that we were getting the big romantic kiss on film.  
  
"Oh, damn!" the camera guy cursed. "This tape is write-protected! I can't record over it! I've been shooting nothing for ten minutes!"  
  
The rest of the camera crew groaned and ad-libbed their lines. "Oh, I can't believe it." "You big moron." "You made us waste all this time spying on them for that?" "Let's get outta here." And with that, they packed up and left in a huff.  
  
Gippal let out the longest string of cuss words I've ever heard outside of a blitzball match.  
  
"It didn't work," I moaned. "Now we're gonna have to do it all over again!"  
  
He rolled over on his back on the ground and groaned. "We can't do it here; we'll never get them back to the Moonflow, and that guy'll think he's nuts if he sees the same scene twice. We're gonna have to try something totally different."  
  
"But where?" I wanted to know. "We've already hit Djose. The Bikanel scenes have been over for weeks. Guadosalam doesn't make sense. Filming's almost done. There's practically nowhere else to get a love scene in."  
  
"No, wait. There's one more place." He looked at me, and we said it at the same time: "The Farplane Abyss!"  
  
"There's a scene where I give Paine that sphere, right? While she's looking at that, you can mess with my injuries or something and we can have a Moment. It's perfect--right before the final battle! The intensity'll be killer. And by that time in the game everyone's been dying to see some romance, since they've all read the spoilers online and know that Tidus has to be around somewhere if they don't screw up with the X button. There won't be a single dry eye in the house at E3."  
  
"You sound pretty sure of yourself," I told him, raising an eyebrow. "You really think this is gonna work?"  
  
"I think a brilliant and talented young lady like yourself can MAKE it work," he replied.  
  
My face got a little red, but I wasn't blushing or anything stupid like that. It was just the Pyreflies hanging around and shining their stupid little Technicolor lights on me.  
  
"Okay," I said. "The Farplane Abyss it is."  
  
He grinned. "It's a date."  
  
My face got redder. Stupid Pyrefly swarms. 


	3. I got careless

Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy games and all related characters and locations are owned by Squaresoft. This is a work of fanfiction, meaning that it is both created by a fan for no purpose other than entertainment, and it is fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely fictonal and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.  
  
And the fanservice continues. Man, who knew it was so hard to be popular? Don't sue me; none of this is mine except the lousy plotlines.  
  
Did anyone out there go to the Final Fantasy Ball at Metrocon? If not, I highly encourage you all to attend next year--it's a cool event, and how else could you go on a date with Barret?  
  
Okay, you could play the game, but I think I did it the fun way.  
  
Blatant Fanservice  
  
by flame mage  
  
take 3: "I...got careless."

* * *

I was not feeling the artistic vibes when I woke up at the inn in Guadosalam the next morning. Why did Tobli have to start sooo early? I couldn't even get my trailer into town...man, sometimes it's really rough being a video game star. And I can't even imagine what it must have been like in the days before the level of realistic FMVs we have today. No wonder the SeeDs had to be mercenaries--they weren't getting enough screen time to live off their acting gigs.  
  
Luckily, the world wasn't missing that much, after all. I mean, think about it: wasn't Selphie just a shoddy imitation of the spirited, energetic, cute-as-a-button me?  
  
But annnnyway, the Guadosalam scenes were really boring, and they're not the point of this story anyway, so I'm not gonna bother talking about them. Shooting on location is okay, because you can always go get a smoothie or something, but sound stages--ugh! Nothing to do, nothing to look at except Yunie massaging Leblanc's back--like we didn't already have enough fanservice going on before the whole kinky yuri massage thing. And then we had to wait around for the longest time while our stunt doubles were doing the scene with the big spiked wall, and then we had to spend a lot of time talking to Ormi and Logos, and...uggh. Entire days of booooooring! The only interesting thing I had to do was talk to Gippal in between takes while we planned our big scene.  
  
But it was strictly business. Of course I didn't like hanging out with him or anything. Umm...eww?  
  
Okay, forget that. The point is that after the looongest time, we finally made it to the Farplane scenes. There's a lot of running around and pre-recorded fiend fighting and playing freaky organ things and good stuff like that, but the only part where I was really gonna get good face time for a while happened after Yunie finally got the entire phrase right. The notes were still echoing when I ran up ahead. And there--cue the dramatic zoom and the big tearjerking moment--was Gippal, sprawled on the ground in dramatic agony.  
  
Time to ham it up. "Gippal!" I cried, rushing to his side and motoring my hands.  
  
He raised his head slowly to look at me. Man, he was really going all out here, even breathing hard and everything. "I...got careless," he panted.  
  
"Are you all right?" Paine asked. Even she sounded concerned.  
  
"I could use...a nap."  
  
Yunie wasn't bothering with stuff like that. Her line in the script had (forcefully trying to move onward) in italics next to it. "Where's Nooj?" she demanded, leaning forward and clenching her fists.  
  
"He went ahead," said Gippal.  
  
I heard a noise behind me ([hearing a noise] was in the script for my line, too) and looked over my shoulder to see Leblanc & Co. behind me. "Guess she couldn't stay away," I snickered. I also muttered, "the stupid hag" for good measure, but they cut that part out.  
  
"I never said where I would wait!" Leblanc snapped, waving her fan around. Ooh, stupid old bat, always trying to steal my show. We were almost at my one big moment, and she was gonna ruin it. I didn't even have a single scripted line for the rest of the scene.  
  
Yunie turned around. "Well then, please take care of Gippal."  
  
Gippal shot a look at me. I was about to break the script and volunteer to stay and care for the brave little wounded soldier when Leblanc the Lame crossed her arms and practically yelled, "You DARE give ME an order?!"  
  
Now Paine turned too. "Look, we'll tell Nooj you're waiting like a good girl and doing your part for the team."  
  
"Hmmm..." Leblanc leaned forward and made a big show of thinking about it--probably the time it took her to jump- start her brain, at her age and given how dumb she probably was to begin with, not like me at all. "All right, I'm in!" she announced brightly all of a sudden. Talk about your short attention spans.  
  
"Hey, Dr. P." It was Gippal, bringing the action back home near me where it belonged. "A gift from Nooj." He held up a glowing orange sphere. "It's from two years ago. Said it was inside the sphere camera."  
  
"I'll watch it later," Paine told him, starting to put it away.  
  
Yuna, who had been so POed when the script had (with her usual nosiness-disguised-as-concern) next to her next line that she'd made everyone in the entire cast and crew cross it out with a permanent marker, said, "Hey. You should watch it now." Paine just looked at her. "Think about it. You know you won't be able to fight your best as long as it's on your mind."  
  
That totally should not have worked. In fact, in real life it didn't work, and stupid Paine never let us see the sphere. The only way I knew what was on it was because I was watching from the Celsius deck while they were reshooting the sphere contents. But now Paine was following the script, and so she sighed and stopped thinking about getting off-camera and waving her sword around again and held up the sphere. "You're right," she sighed again as she turned it on.  
  
I knew they had to shoot another few seconds of her holding the sphere before they could splice the footage in, and then they might take a break before doing the shot segment after she watched it. So before anyone could stop the cameras, I (gracefully, of course) threw myself at Gippal's feet and demanded in a slightly quavering voice, "Oh, Gippal...are you all right?" Paine had already asked him that, but so what? Maybe mine'd be so much better that they'd even cut hers.  
  
"I'll--manage." He did a good job of struggling to sit up some more. "No way am I gonna let you guys have this party without me."  
  
"But...but I don't want you to get hurt!" I pinched the inside of my elbow until my eyes started watering.  
  
"What gives? Cid's girl actually cares what happens to me now?" Rule number four of G/R fanservice is that he has to call me "Cid's girl" or some variation thereof at least once a chapter.  
  
"No! I just--I mean--no way--I--you--yes!" I cried, throwing my arms around him and doing a pretty darn good job of sobbing into his chest, if I do say so myself. "Yes, I do care! I always have! I've never been able to tell you that, but the truth is--I've always lo--"  
  
Okay, so sometimes you just have to give into the whole cliche thing. That's what fanservice is all about.  
  
"Shh." He put one finger against my realistically trembling and perfectly glossed lower lip. "I know, Rikku, I know. I love you too."  
  
I gazed up at him. I'd been practicing this in the mirror at the inn for days, trying to think of things that made me happy--like being a video game star, and having little kids all across the world try to cosplay me and then get arrested for indecent exposure, and hot fudge sundaes--so my eyes could shine with happiness and--yes--love. I realized that it wasn't anywhere near as hard to do as I'd thought it would be. All I really had to do was look at his face, with that one brilliant green eye smiling down on me.  
  
But that was just a tribute to my skills as an actress, of course. He had nothing to do with it.  
  
And then, like magic (or maybe movie magic!), he leaned over and kissed me. And it was a totally perfect FMV kiss, in glorious full color and Dolby Digital Surround Sound, and I could hear "Suteki da Ne" swelling in the background (or at least a decent OCremix).  
  
And then, all of a sudden, he jumped up. "Hey, I think after that I'm ready to get out there and take that big ol' machina apart! Guy's gotta be tough for a cute girl like you, y'know. See ya on the other side." With that, he turned to go--he had to be gone by the time Paine was done with the sphere--and then froze dead.  
  
"Are you absolutely-positively-entirely finished now?" the director's voice asked. I looked back to see the two-foot bird-person-whatever-he-was-thing standing about three inches behind me with his stumpy little arms crossed, glaring. As much as anything like that can glare.  
  
"Umm...finished?" I laughed nervously.  
  
"Yes! So we can begin shooting again!" The director was tapping his foot now. Impatient little bugger.  
  
Gippal almost choked. "You mean you stopped?"  
  
"Of course we stopped! The scene ends with Paine holding up the sphere, oh yes indeed! Can't have the cameras rolling after the scene ends! Time is money, you know! Ooh-hoo-hoo!" And then he sped off to the next section of the Farplane like the Roadrunner. The rest of the cast and crew followed, generously taking the time out of their busy schedules to shoot us dirty looks.  
  
Gippal and I stared at each other, and if my face was anywhere near as red as his, those Pyreflies were workin' overtime.  
  
"Aww, no one ever does that to Yunie and Tidus when they start sucking face in the middle of a scene," I muttered to myself, looking away and scuffing my toe on the ground.  
  
"So..." he said awkwardly after a couple seconds. "Any more bright ideas?"  
  
"Oh, man, Gippie-baby, that was our best one!" I groaned, motoring my hands. "No Farplane, no Moonflow, no Djose, no Bikanel, no Macalania...even the stupid Celsius is out! Where else are we supposed to have a big love scene chock full of fanservicey goodness?!"  
  
"Wait." He grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. "There's one more place. I was checking some fanfiction sites last night for some of the sappiest Rikku stories of all time. There's this one place in Spira where a whole bunch of people set fics with you and Auron, and now they're doing it with us."  
  
"Home? The old airship? The inside of Sin? Zanarkand?"  
  
"The Thunder Plains! We'll tack it in right after that scene at Djose where I mentioned that we went out and call it a flashback, or maybe right when you guys show up at the Thunder Plains for the first time! The script says--here--" He grabbed it out of his back pocket, flipped through it wildly, and finally stabbed his finger about halfway down a page. "'Yuna voice-over: Guess what? Rikku finally overcame her fear of thunder. Know how? She said she camped out here for a week!' We'll just cut to a flashback sequence right after that line."  
  
"Waiddaminute! We're never gonna get anyone to go all the way out to the Thunder Plains! How are we gonna shoot this?"  
  
"We'll just have to steal a camera and a tripod, that's all. You're a thief, Rikkmeister. I'm sure you can manage that."  
  
I pressed my hands to the side of my face and moaned. "Ohh...all right. But you owe me bigtime. I'm only doing this as a favor to you, you got me? I don't need popularity this much!"  
  
"Do it and you'll have my eternal gratitude and adoring worship, O Most Great and Long-Suffering Pixellated Bimbo," Gippal sighed. "Now come on. Let's get over there with the rest of them before they start wondering what happened to us."

* * *

Ooh, man, I could tell you some crazy stories about the big wrap party...if they wouldn't get me arrested and/or ruin my chances for some wicked blackmail, that is. We had it on the Celsius, because that made it exclusive--and easy for all the little people in Spira to see that floating superbash overhead and get really jealous of the big stars like me. We didn't even let Shelinda in for exclusive interviews, so she was running around beneath us on a Chocobo trying to get shots of the deck through a long-lens camera. It's all about media manipulation.  
  
But I bet you're wondering what this has to do with the story. No, hate to break it to ya, Gippaliscious and I didn't steal a quiet moment together while everyone else was off partying, or wow everyone with our mad dancing skillaz, or get way drunk and end up kissing each other (eww, how romantic is that anyway?). I'm telling this to you, kids, because this is how Master Thief Rikku ended up stealing the camera for our brilliantly evil plan, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see me in action. Unless you buy the game, of course.  
  
So picture the scene: the stars of the show are doing our super-exclusive thing up on the bridge (playing loud music and trying to get the guys to spherechange into drag) and the crew's down in the cabin, drinking. Like, a lot. And Gippal casually mentions that we're outta ice, and normally I'd get one of the lackeys to get some more but I'm feeling generous (because no one else except him knows that I've got a sneaky little plan in mind), so I head down to the cabin to grab some from Barkeep. And as soon as I walk through the door that camera guy who has a crush on me whips out his equipment (his camera! his CAMERA! Come ON, fanboys, eww!) and starts filming me. (Current fanservice shot count: 497.)  
  
Now watch the master work.  
  
**Me**: _(swinging myself up onto the conveniently empty barstool next to Camera-Wielding Fanboy)_ Hey.  
**CWF**: _(nervously)_ Oh, ah, um...hey.  
Me: So, enjoying the party?  
**CWF**: ...oh, yeah. It's...umm...really fun. _(pause as he wipes his nosebleed on his sleeve)_ What about you?  
**Me**: Ahh, I'm having an okay time, but it's kinda boring, y'know?  
**CWF**: Oh. _(feeling stupid for having thought it was fun)_  
**Me**: But I bet I know something that would make it a lot more interesting. _(hooking my ankle around his and smiling)_  
**CWF**: What?!?  
  
You know the type. Some guys are so used to seeing things through a lens (or a computer screen) that they just don't get it when it actually happens.  
  
**Me**:_ (jumping off the stool, grabbing his arm and dragging him up the stairs) _Come on. You're coming with me.  
  
Because of course there are beds upstairs. That's where we used to sleep. And of course there was some really nice thick rope under one of the beds upstairs, because once in a while Gippal really come through when you need him to. And of course, no one thought it was strange when I slipped back downstairs with the camera but not the cameraman, or when I got back to the bridge without the ice and Gippal followed me out again, or when a hover loaded with camping equipment took off from the deck of the Celsius a few minutes later.  
  
Man, if only it were always that easy. 


	4. She said she camped out here for a week!

Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy games and all related characters and locations are owned by Squaresoft. This is a work of fanfiction, meaning that it is both created by a fan for no purpose other than entertainment, and it is fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely fictonal and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.  
  
This is turning into a sitcom. ;;  
  
**Blatant Fanservice**  
  
by flame mage  
  
take 4: "She said she camped out here for a week!"

* * *

"So, wait, explain to me why I have to be the one to carry this again?" Gippal whined from underneath the camera, a massive stack of lighting equipment (why not go all out? nobody'd miss it anyway, right?), a canvas pup tent, and my entire professional makeup case (custom-ordered from Sephora! Because I'm worth it). We'd dumped the hover outside Guadosalam so it wouldn't show up in the background of our shots.  
  
"Because a guy's gotta be tough for a cute girl like me, right?" I told him. "Just shut your trap and keep walking, okay? We're almost there."  
  
He grumbled under his breath until I finally found the perfect spot--in a small valley in the very center of the Thunder Plains, as far away as possible from the Travel Agency and any other way out. "Okay, ya big wimp, you can quit whining now," I announced. "Just set the lights up all around us where the slope goes up, okay?"  
  
He heaved a huge sigh of relief and dumped all the junk on the ground. Then he stretched and started setting the set lights up while I dug through my makeup case to find and blend my three favorite shades of lipstick so I'd look absolutely perfect for the big kiss. I was brushing out the feathers on my earrings with my fingers so they'd shine and set my face off even more against the dark blue landscape when Gippal called out, "Hey, Rikk, problem here!"  
  
"What, you get a cable shorted out someplace and need Rikku the machina expert to fix everything for ya?"  
  
"Nope. More like we're supposed to be here to help you get over your fear of lightning. Now what's wrong with this picture?"  
  
I sucked air in through my teeth. "You're right. This is never gonna be enough lighting to allow my true depth of theatrical terror to be revealed to the audience."  
  
"Yeah, or maybe the fact that there's NO LIGHTNING."  
  
I looked around. "Oh, poopie! The lightning rods are sucking it all up."  
  
"Brilliant observation." He finished with the lights and walked back down the slope to where I was sitting. "If this is gonna work, we've gotta get the lightning back. The only way to do that is to break the nearest rod."  
  
"Are you crazy?! We'll get cooked worse than the Sunday special at Kentucky Fried Chocobo!" I grabbed his collar and shook him. "I'm too young to die, Gippal!"  
  
"Relax, Rikk," he replied, totally calm, like smashing devices intelligently designed to prevent people like us from getting electrocuted was something normal people did all the time. "If you do it from a distance, it'll be totally safe. The guys and I used this tent when we were in the Crimson Squad; Paine could tell you it's designed to protect against electrocution, so we're gonna be fine, okay? All you gotta do is hit that tower over there," he was pointing to the nearest lightning rod, which was maybe thirty yards away, "from a distance. It'll break down, we'll shoot from an angle that won't show it, we'll be fine in the tent, and we'll get the scene done fast and get the heck out of here. Sound good?"  
  
"Oooh...this is a seriously bad idea, you know?" I realized I was motoring my hands again. Maybe I should stop that. An up-and-coming young star like me shouldn't look nervous except when her role demanded it.  
  
Gippal looked down at me and raised one eyebrow. "C'mon. Don't be such a...a kid."  
  
Which was totally not fair. He was acting like I was a total fraidy-cat. Jeez, after all the stuff I'd done, he still just didn't get that I was just as tough as he thought he was, and probably way tougher. And we were supposed to be working together here, so just where did he get off being such a jerk, anyway?  
  
"Ooh, you make me so mad!" I yelled at him. "You just watch, you big meanie! We'll see who's the kid!" I grabbed a garment grid from the bottom drawer of the makeup case and started switching into a Black Mage. About halfway through, I realized that that jerk was totally staring at me (current fanservice shot count: 498), but by the time I could think of something nasty enough to insult him with, I had already changed and I was ready to go.  
  
"What are you going to do?" he called, sounding a little out of it.  
  
"Hit it with a water spell at the same time lightning strikes it, not like you deserve to know that!" I shouted back. "I'm hoping the shock'll be too strong for it and it'll explode!" Closing my eyes, I started to charge up a water spell. Then I stared straight at the tower, shot my arms out and yelled, "Watera!"  
  
A stream of water flew out from my staff and slammed into the rod at the exact same time as a bolt of lightning struck. There was an angry electrical-sounding hissing noise, and then a massive blast. I fell over and hit the ground hard, covering my head with my arms, but when the smoke cleared I was still alive. For a couple seconds, I just lay there, but then another bolt of lightning struck the dirt about two inches from my face.  
  
I screamed.  
  
Just because it startled me, of course.  
  
"Rikku!" Gippal rushed out of the pit and grabbed me. "It's okay. Look, you're okay. You did it. Now just change back, we'll do the scene, and then we can go right back." I was still hyperventilating. I wasn't scared of the lightning or anything, of course--I'm way too tough for kid stuff like that!--but it had just...startled me, that's all. Yup. Nothin' else to it.  
  
"Oh, all right. But ya hafta turn around," I ordered.  
  
He held up his hands. "Fine, fine. Guy can't get a break around here." I glared at him until he turned his back on me and walked off a few feet, and then I changed back into my regular clothes.  
  
"Okay, you ready, then?" he asked when I let him turn around again. "Let's get going."

* * *

He swung the camera around to face me and turned it on. "Haha, well, this shouldn't be a big deal, right?" I laughed kinda nervously. "Camping out for a week. Just like back near Home, except...wetter."  
  
"Just keep thinking that," he said as he came around the camera.  
  
"I'm gonna!" I snapped. There was a flash of lightning somewhere a ways outside the tent and I made myself jump. Delayed reaction there. "Ahahahaa...yeah, nothin' to worry about, nothin' to worry about at all. Hahaha--"  
  
A bolt hit really close to the tent. I screamed and scrambled back towards Gippal. "Ohh, noo, I don't wanna do this, I changed my mind, let's go home!"  
  
He caught me and turned me around to face him. "Look, I know you're scared, but you gotta deal with this. You tellin' me a tough girl like you fought Sin and you're freakin' out about a little lightning?"  
  
"I told you about that time when I was a kid, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but electricity's not always that bad. It makes machina run. And I know you must've seen Lulu or someone use it to fight when you were on the pilgrimage with the High Summoner." I nodded. "People can control lightning. You don't have anything to worry about."  
  
"I guess you're right." I started to pull away from his arms, but then there was another sharp flash and I flew back into them.  
  
He thought for a second and then said, "I bet I know a way to make you love lightning."  
  
"Oh yeah?" I asked. "How?"  
  
"Watch and learn," he replied.  
  
We sat in silence for ten seconds or so, and then the light hit again. Before I even heard the thunder, he had leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. Then he pulled back. I was about to say something, but then there was another flash of lightning and he kissed me again, harder this time.  
  
"Are you serious?" I muttered under my breath. "This sucks. No one's gonna buy this one."  
  
"You got a better idea?" he snarled between kisses.  
  
"Ummm...no?"  
  
"Then put some more life into it. They'll buy it if you sell it."  
  
Flash.  
  
Kiss.  
  
Flash.  
  
Kiss.  
  
Flash.  
  
"Gippal, knock it off!"  
  
He leaned back, crossed his arms, and glared at me. "Okay, princess, what is it now?"  
  
"You know how many times this has been done? I'm gonna lose my credibility as an artiste here!" I told him, glaring back just as hard.  
  
I have a terrifying glare, by the way. My glare has been known to send grown men cowering to their knees. My glare can turn fiends to stone. My glare sends chills into the hearts of the most dastardly villains! So I have no idea why he laughed.  
  
"Okay, fine," he said, getting up to shut the camera off and rewinding the tape. "You've got the next fifteen seconds to come up with something better. When I asked you to do this, I figured you'd be a brat about it, but even I didn't know you'd be pretentious enough to ruin a perfectly good scene with your delusions about being an actress."  
  
"Whaddaya mean, delusions?" I yelled back. "You're just a stuck-up creep who's jealous because I'm a legendary guardian, a hero AND a video game star, and you're just a one-eyed loser who couldn't even be a decent Crusader!"  
  
"You don't have any idea what you're talking about, kid! You're talking to a member of the Crimson Squad, so you'd better take that back!"  
  
Ooh, man, he was mad now. That was a babyish thing to say even for him.  
  
"Maybe when you get rid of your attitude problem, I'll think about it!"  
  
"The only one here with an attitude problem is you!"  
  
"Listen, buster, just in case you're forgetting, I'm only here because you called me up and fed me this stupid sob story about how you can't afford a decent wardrobe because nobody cares about you! I'm doing you a big huge favor here, and-- eek! Are you sure this is a good idea?"  
  
He took his hand off the "RECORD" button on the camera and came around to me. As soon as the film had started rolling, he'd changed completely too. "Come on, Rikku. I know you're scared of thunder, but it's really no big deal, ya know?"  
  
I sat down hard on the ground and wrapped my arms around myself. "I knowwww, but...eek!" There was another flash, and I jumped again.  
  
"So what exactly is it that you're afraid of?" he asked, putting a hand on top of my head and leaning on it.  
  
"The noise--and--mostly...getting hit!" I blurted out all at once as another bolt hit the ground.  
  
"Oh, yeah, you got shocked when you were a kid, huh?" I nodded. "Aww, jeez. You just need the right equipment." He took out a shiny targe and held it up so I could see it. "See this? It'll ward off electrical attacks so they can't hurt you."  
  
"I dunno about that," I said uncertainly.  
  
"Fine. I'll prove it to you. Take a look." With that, he strapped on the targe and strode out of the tent.  
  
"Gippal! Wait! Come back!" I called. He didn't even look back, just started whistling like the stubborn jerk he is. I scrambled over to the tent flaps--being careful to bring the camera with me--and peeped out.  
  
He had his hands stuck in his pockets and was just strolling around like he was at Besaid Beach or something. I guess it's hard to be scared of lightning after you've worked at Djose Temple. He turned back to look at me when he was maybe twenty feet away and spread his arms like 'See? This is easy'--and just then, a bolt of lightning hit him and he crumpled to the ground, not moving.  
  
"Gippal!" I wailed, making sure the camera was angled so it'd catch us perfectly and rushing out of the tent. "Are you okay?" He still wasn't moving. I knelt beside him and cradled him in my arms. "Gippal! Oh, Gippal...please be all right!" Still nothing.  
  
He wasn't actually, like, dead or anything, was he?  
  
Whether or not he was acting, though, I had to keep doing it. "Oh, no, Gippal," I moaned. Ooh, this was even more dramatic than the Farplane. A touching death scene--maybe I could even go on a quest to bring him back to life! Final Fantasy X-1.5! I could do a misty headshot for the box art...  
  
Okay, Rikku, stay focused. "I can't believe it," I whispered just loud enough for the camera to get every word. "I... I never got to tell you...you can't be dead, Gippal! You can't be! You're not allowed to die until I tell you I love you!"  
  
Right away, he sat up and grinned. "Man, took ya long enough, kid."  
  
I jumped backwards and fell over--gracefully, of course. "Whaa--you--I--how--YOU BIG JERK!" I exploded. "How dare you fake like that?! I thought you were dead!"  
  
"Yeah," he snickered, "but you got over your fear of lightning."  
  
Oh. So that's what he was doing.  
  
"Huh?" I sat up and did a good job of looking like I'd totally forgotten about the lightning. Which I hadn't, of course, being a constantly alert observer of my surroundings. Just then, a bolt hit right next to me and I didn't even flinch. "Yeah, I guess that's right," I said. "I was so busy worrying about you, I didn't even realize that the lightning was still going on."  
  
"See?" he laughed. "I told you it was no big deal. You won't even need a week to get over your fear of thunder."  
  
I stood up, brushed myself off, and reached my hand out to him. "I bet I can think of something else we can do for the week."  
  
He took my hand and spun me into his arms. "This work for you?" he muttered into my ear.  
  
"Better than that crap of yours," I whispered back through my teeth.  
  
"Great. Then we're done. Let's get the hell out of here and get the camera and the film back before production starts." He kissed me, and then we started walking back towards the tent. "I think we've finally done it, Rikk."  
  
Later I would blame him for jinxing it. Because at exactly that moment, there was another flash of lightning--and then a horrible burnt smell.  
  
I looked over and saw what was left of the camera smoking just outside the tent flaps. The tape popped out and fell into a puddle, where the fire on it hissed and fizzled out. Half a second later, I heard the thunder. 


	5. Aww, can't we give him a discount?

* * *

Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy games and all related characters and locations are owned by Squaresoft. This is a work of fanfiction, meaning that it is both created by a fan for no purpose other than entertainment, and it is fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely fictonal and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.  
  
All right, last part, everyone. I hope you enjoyed this foray into the seamy behind-the-scenes underbelly of the production of Final Fantasy games, not to mention all the fanservice. Yay.  
  
_Blatant Fanservice_  
  
by flame mage  
  
take 5: "Aww, can't we give him a discount?"

* * *

"Well," Gippal said over iced lattes in the Luca cafe a couple weeks later, "that didn't exactly work out the way I'd planned."  
  
"Tell me about it," I muttered. "All that work, and we don't have a single stupid thing to show for it."  
  
"I dunno." He picked his cup up and swished the coffee around. "We got a little in there. Those scenes at Djose-- the hints'll clue some people in. This time next year, the fic sites'll be swamped with RxG. And you made a couple of other comments, right?"  
  
"Yeah, but you didn't really get that much extra screen time," I pointed out.  
  
He sighed. "Easy come, easy go. These clothes look good on me anyway." No one said anything for a couple seconds, and then he said, "You know, I never thought I'd say this, but thanks. For a little brat, you actually pulled your own weight."  
  
"Yeah, well, you weren't the worst costar I've ever had to work with," I sniffed.  
  
"That might be the best compliment I'm ever gonna get from you." He stood up to shake my hand. "Well, it was a pleasure doing business with ya, kid. I guess I'll see you at the premiere."  
  
"If ya haven't starved by then. See ya later."  
  
"See ya."  
  
He picked up his latte and walked out. I checked my watch, slipped on my shades, and headed off in the opposite direction. Gotta admit I sighed in relief, too. I was done being stuck with that talentless hack for good, the game project from hell was over, and I'd just gotten my paycheck in the mail. It was high time I treated myself to some new shoes!

* * *

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The End

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Ha! Man, you suckers almost fell for that one, huh? Nah, of course a couple of talented individuals like us weren't going to give up that easily. I don't blame you for being fooled, though; doing FFX-2 only honed my already razor-sharp acting skills, so of course that was a convincing performance. But I'll take pity on you and tell ya what really happened.

* * *

"Well," Gippal said over iced lattes in the Luca cafe a couple weeks later, "that didn't exactly work out the way I'd planned."  
  
I shot a quick glance over at the sphere recorder to make sure it had turned on okay and then looked back at him. "Tell me about it," I muttered. "All that work, looking for you guys, taking Vegnagun apart, and we don't have a single stupid thing to show for it."  
  
"I dunno." He picked his cup up and swished the coffee around. "Baralai and Nooj are back. Lenne and Shuyin finally found some kinda peace. And that former High Summoner of yours seems pretty happy."  
  
"Yeah, Yunie and Tidus are totally off in their own world," I said.  
  
He raised his eyebrows. "Was that a hint of jealousy I just heard?"  
  
"Ooh, you think you know everything, don't you?!" I stomped my foot. "Fine! Maybe just a little. It's just--they're so happy together, you know?"  
  
"Ah, so Cid's girl wants a boyfriend!" Gippal cracked up. "Who woulda thought it? Guardian and Gullwing extraordinaire brought to her knees by the gentler passions! I didn't think you had it in you."  
  
"Ugh, you big jerk!" I stood up, grabbed my coffee, and stalked out, making sure to adjust the sphere recorder with my free hand so the camera couldn't see me doing it.  
  
"Hey, wait!" He picked up the camera and ran after me. I pretended like I couldn't hear him and walked all the way out to the pier before he caught up with me.  
  
"You know," he said casually when I finally stopped, "I think you're acting so mad about that boyfriend thing 'cause I hit the nail on the head. Am I right?"  
  
I glared at him. "Maybe, maybe not!"  
  
"Well," he continued, "if, by any chance, I am, and you're in the market for a man, I'd be happy to send in my application."  
  
I tried to keep glaring at him, but he had his best you-can't-hate-me-I'm-cute smile on his face and I had to grin. "You got any skills?"  
  
"I'm a great conversationalist, an all-around charming, witty, and damn attractive man, and I give killer back rubs."  
  
"Prior work experience?"  
  
"Never had a job offer this good before."  
  
"What kind of salary are we talkin' here?"  
  
Another winning smile. "You can pay me in kisses, gorgeous."  
  
I laughed. "All right, all right. You're the only applicant. You're hired."  
  
Angling the camera carefully, he came up behind me and put his arm around my waist. "So what's my first assignment, boss?"  
  
I reached out so I could shut the recorder off at just the right moment and then looked up to smile at him. "I forgotto mention that I'd pay your first week's salary in advance." Lean in, and--recorder off.

* * *

And that's how it really happened, people.  
  
And what happened to that sphere recording?  
  
Well, how it happened is top secret, but I managed to sneak it into the game. It's a super-special Easter Egg that not even the guidebooks tell you about, and you can't get it with a Game Shark or anything else.  
  
How do you see it? Well, every time you get a chance to talk to me and Gippal in the same scene, you have to make Yunie run up and talk to me, then him, then me again, then him again, until you've talked to both of us fifty times. Do that once for every scene in every chapter where it happens. Then beat the game. Start a New Game Plus and go back and do the same thing, until you've beaten the fiftieth New Game Plus. Then get all the money out of your bank account, dump it in an envelope along with all the change you can find under your sofa, and mail it to Rikku care of...  
  
...nah, I'm just kidding again. One of those crazy people on the GameFaqs boards started that one. Really...well, it didn't happen quite the way I expected. Gippal only made a little extra cash on the deal, and the only major popularity boost I got was on But, hey, I got a boyfriend out of the deal.  
  
And you got a pretty healthy dose of fanservice.  
  
And in the end, that's what's important, right? 


End file.
